I am writing this blog mainly for me and to keep me accountable. One of my goals this year is to have a closer relationship with God and spend more time in His Word, prayer, and memorizing verses. This blog will be somewhat of a diary of this journey. I plan to have a weekly verse that I will try to meditate on throughout the week and maybe some additional verses that I am learning or refreshing. Growing up in a Christian home and attending Christian school throughout all of the my schooling, I have learned many verses - entire chapters even! However, now that I am married and a mom of two boys, finding time to read a verse a day is sometimes a challenge. My goal this year is to change that. I am committing to a blog post every night, detailing my progress on these verses and looking back at ways I have seen God throughout the day.
Now, a little about me:
I started life as a typical church kid. I started church in the nursery and attended basically every service. At four years old, I realized I was a sinner and asked Jesus to save me. That is when my journey as a Christian started. I have always wanted to please people and, really, God was no different. I tried to get involved in as many things as I could as soon as I could. I tried to read my Bible daily as a teenager and went soul winning, but I didn't try to develop a real relationship. I had accepted Christ as my Savior, but was trying to check things off a list. I tried to do all the right things and be the right kind of person.
From a young girl, I knew I wanted to be a teacher. While other girls were playing house, I was playing school. My dad even got desks so that my sister and I could set up a classroom in our playhouse. When I graduated from high school, I went to a Christian college and majored in secondary education. After receiving my bachelor degree, I accepted a teaching position in Indiana. (Did I mention I grew up in Florida where winter lasts a week?) Once there, as most new teachers, I realized how much I really didn't know about teaching, but I kept on. I stayed there for nine years, working in various capacities within the church and eventually met my husband Stephen.
We had been dating about a year when my doctor found a mass on my ovary. I was referred to an oncologist who decided that the tumor would need to be surgically removed and tested at that time. During surgery, it was discovered that I had low malignant potential tumors on both of my ovaries. One ovary and part of the other were removed during the surgery. While I did not have to receive chemotherapy or other treatments, I had to be monitored so that we would know when the tumors came back. At that point, I was sent to a fertility doctor so that we could freeze eggs to allow me to have children. The fertility doctor gave me the news that I would not be able to have children. That was honestly the lowest point in my life. I was 29 years old, had finally met the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and could not have children. I was angry with God, I will admit, but eventually I worked through my anger and grief over the children I would never have and moved on with life.
Within six months of marrying my husband, he lost his job. I was making less than $200 a week so we were not in a good situation. After several months of searching, Stephen was contacted by a company in Virginia. That began our moves. We moved to Harrisonburg, VA where we lived for 3 years. While there, we got the surprise of our lives -- I found out I was expecting my first baby. While we had been told it would be impossible, God had other plans; and almost four years to the day after my surgery, our oldest son was born on March 9, 2013. He has been such a blessing! Even though he is the most stubborn child I have ever met, he is also one of the most loving and intelligent children I have ever known too.
In July of 2014, I found out I was pregnant again. We went into the doctor for my first ultrasound and found out that the heartbeat was very slow and I was measuring behind. I was a little worried, but I had measured off with my son so didn't worry too much. That weekend, I lost our baby. It was a very soul searching time for us. My husband even asked why God would give us a child just to take it away. I didn't know and still don't, but I know that God had a plan for that child and His plan was accomplished in just a few short weeks.
In July of 2015, I once again found out I was pregnant. I was cautiously optimistic as I had already lost one child, but felt that everything was going to be fine this time. I was having all of the symptoms - the nausea, tiredness, frequent urination. I went in for my first ultrasound alone. My husband didn't have time off and I knew everything was going to be fine. When the ultrasound technician looked, there was no baby. My body had been harboring an empty gestational sack. I was heartbroken. I didn't know how this could happen again. We had recently moved to the area and didn't have many close friends to confide and I felt very alone. As with most things, I eventually got back to my life mourning my two babies I had lost.
Then, almost a year ago, January 2016, I found out that I was expecting, once again. I was over 35 and considered high risk due to my age and previous losses. Fortunately, we saw a little beating heart on that ultrasound screen. Things progressed and I began to be monitored at a high risk doctor around 18 weeks. We discovered that the baby was small. I thought, no big deal, both my husband and I have smaller people on one side of our family so the baby must just take after them. At 24 weeks, his growth began to slow down. He went from the thirtieth percentile to the eighteenth. At 34 weeks, he had gone down to the tenth percentile and when I went for my first twice weekly monitoring at 35 weeks exactly, I was sent to the hospital to have my baby.
I was terrified. I had been mentally prepared for him to come early because I knew his growth was slowing down, but my doctor was not in the office and I would have a doctor I had never met before. On September 1, Caleb was born weighing 4 pounds 8 ounces and was immediately rushed to the NICU. He had been doing well in the operating room, but had quickly gone downhill when he reached the NICU and had to be put on oxygen. He ended up needing a ventilator to breathe for about a week. He spent a total of 19 days there while his little body fought off a lung infection and worked to get strong. He is now 4 months old and doing well.
My life, like most I'm sure, has had its ups and downs and through it all God has been right there with me. He has been the one constant throughout all of this: through moving across the country - twice, being told I wouldn't be able to have children, meeting my husband, living in 7 homes in our first 6 years of marriage, job losses and new jobs, sleepless nights and baby laughs - He's been there all the time. I want to be more conscious of His presence every day.
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